Emotions...
Am I such an emotional wreck?
I don't know. I want to trust in God that His favors are on me and blessings are mine. But sometimes it's just so difficult when you know you have bitches for clients and I don't know where these people come from - from the pit of hell perhaps.
Many a times, I have cried during praise and worship, thinking how it had all turned out like that. Perhaps the reality of the industry I'm in has sort of dawned on me. I cannot complain about my colleagues - they are a cool bunch of people. Well, I shared with a sister at length about what I'm facing at work. She gave me some very good advice from her experiences of dealing and handling clients.
I was really very encouraged by what she shared. But when Monday comes, and I open my Inbox and see those e-mails from that particular alien, (I think let's stick to this word before I lose control of myself and start hurling expletives). Sigh, I feel at a loss, somehow, I don't know why something which I approach with a passion - writing - somehow, back-fired on me in such a way.
I think these are the times you really hope the rapture happens tomorrow you know. But I know it's a very selfish thought because I still want my parents to receive Christ first. And other times, you just immerse yourself in nostalgia and think of those times when you are still an undergraduate, and don't have to deal with people from the world, no politics, no mud-slinging, no professionalism, nothing - just do what you like, do what you want, I mean, just studying for exams and doing assignments. What can be more easy than that?
Anyway, I haven't really let off steam like that for a long time, I guess, writing this down sort of makes me feel better, it's what the scientists call 'catharsis' - you let off steam. Sometimes you just wish bad things happen to people who are bad. And of course that refers to the persons who are causing you so much hurt, pain or distress. I know it's not biblical. It's just a passing thought, sometimes it lingers around. I'm trying to be real here, don't you guys ever think that way?
Well, maybe it's just me.
Right now? I'm just feeling demoralised. I feel so useless, helpless.
posted by weiwen @ 5:14 PM
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