An Encounter with God? I really don't know...
Hey Blessed Beloveds,
A sister said I haven't blogged for a long time. Well, partly because I have been busy with certain stuff in ministry. Partly because I haven't been receiving any revelations or nothing to share.
I think I was starting to get affected by the fact that, like it or not, I have not found a job, and it's been three months of bumming at home. And my mum is also starting to pass comments on my bummer lifestyle.
I guess in the midst of it all, though I keep telling myself to be restful, it's difficult not to get affected.
That's why I haven't had anything to pen for a long time. Just didn't feel I was in the flow or anything. But Pastor's messages for these two weeks have been a blessing and refreshment to me.
I think in this three months of "barren-ness", I must have subconsciously lost my belief. And Pastor is right, who says "believing" is easy? When the dark clouds are gathering, when you are leaning over the edge of a precipice, it is difficult to believe, to focus on Jesus, to know that God is still there with you.
That He has never left you in the first place.
These few weeks, I have been working on an assignment in ministry. I think previously I shared with a few brothers and sisters-in-Christ that I applied to go full-time in church.
However, there has been a change in the ministry structure, and they decided to close that position in favour of adopting an alternative approach. In other words, simply put, the position that I previously applied for, was now closed or made void.
I want to be honest and say that I was disapointed. Perhaps part of the reason I wasn't receiving is because I was still trying to get over the disappointment. I'm not gung-ho and you know, be hypocritical and say that I'm not affected.
But I believe that if it's God's calling, my portion would not be taken away. I just have to trust in His season and timing.
There's something I wanted to share but I must warn you that it might sound freaky to some of you.
Remember that Pastor shared and prayed over the congregation before to have God be our spiritual surgeon, to operate and correct whatever that was binding us, that by the end of this year, we can all say we would be free from those bondages.
I experienced something strange last night. I felt a sensation while sleeping last night. It was as if someone is purging something from my stomach. And I can feel as if a hole has been "made" surgically in my stomach for that "thing" to come out.
I cannot explain it. It didn't feel painful. It just felt like someone was trying to take something out from my stomach.
And then I felt an arm pressing against my right shoulder, and a sensation came over my entire being, you know, like when you are laying hands on somebody, you place your palm on that person's shoulder or arm. Something like that.
I remebered, in a sub-conscious manner, I reached out with my left hand, trying to grab something. And it was done out of a reaction, you know, like "Please don't let go..." like when you reach out your hand to try desperately and grab something if you are falling off.
But instead of thin air, I grabbed an arm. I remebered and I know that feeling. It was flesh I touched. It was a hand. I didn't see it. But I was certain I grabbed hold of a hand.
And then I started to open my eyes, and I wanted to know who this is, whose hand is pressing on my right shoulder and whose left arm that I'm holding on to.
But I realise I can't move my body. Not even an ounce of muscle. And the strangest part was, I tried to turn around, anticipating to see someone or something.
However, I just didn't have the stremgth, and I was struggling within myself, to turn even my head to look behind, at the edge of my bed.
And when I did, I realise, my body didn't turn at all. But I realised I have turned to look behind but my body remained where it was.
At the same time, I was making sure my left hand was grabbing real tightly on the arm. I felt like I was Jacob, "wrestling" with God in that episode recorded in the Bible.
I did not get to see who that "someone" or "something" was. I decided the struggle was futile and I turned back and lay straight, facing upwards.
Then instantly, a deep sleep came over me. And I didn't recall this incident when I woke up. Not until later this afternoon.
I really don't know what to make of this encounter. I did not ask for this encounter.
But whatever it is, I believe that God will operate on me, and perhaps this is just one of the many procedures, that before the end of the year, I would be free.
Thank you Father. I love you.
posted by weiwen @ 11:23 AM
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