The Most Embarassing Day(s) Of My Life
Okay today (or these two days) is/are probably the most embarassing day or days of my life.I don't know how many of you saw this gaping eyesore but if you did, I sincerely apologized. And if you did, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME???
Sheesh...
Sigh...
I was happily walking together with my colleagues today in search of a place to settle down for lunch, when one of them said: "Lawrence, you have a super big hole in your jeans!!!"
And I turned around, like a dog trying to chase its tail, and kept asking: "Where? Where?"
"Your butt area..."
"Eh you should wear heart-shaped boxer shorts, then maybe can see the heart shape..."
"Aiyoh...who you wanna show?"
"Alamak!!! You went to work this morning on the MRT in this???"
The remarks flew like arrows headed for the bull's eye.
And there it was, one huge slit, that gaped open to expose flesh and skin...yucks! Oh my God!
Then, my lightning fast mind recalled - that I wore this same pair of jeans to church yesterday!!! And I even jumped up and down during praise and worship!!! Okay, I don't wanna imagine what's the view like for people from my back...
*Horrors of horrors*
A!@&#(@&#(&$&(@$@
NO!!!! Molelymolelymolelymolelymolelymolelymolely...
So I tried to pull my polo T-shirt down as I became conscious that with every step I take could make the tear wider and wider...till one of my colleagues said: "Eh, you look like you're wearing a black mini-skirt from the back..."
But I still kept tugging my shirt down every two steps or more, just to make sure it covered the hole. This is just not happening man...
Then on the way back to office, walking ahead of my female colleagues up the flight of stairs, one of them said: "Hey, you walk up the stairs first, after you reach then call us k...we don't wanna see..."
Embarassment...
To make matters worse, I was due to meet with one of my freelance writers in half an hour's time.
I decided I had to make my way to the nearest men's clothing store (which is G2000 at UOB Center, and a good 10 minutes walk away).
And while I would have liked to teleport there immediately, like one Hiro Nakamura, I can't, and worse, I had to take small steps but quick small ones...like how geishas would shuffle their feet as they walk, their wooden clogs furiously battling the cobbled streets of Osaka.
The sun was at its merciless best, and I was sweating big drops of sweat. How much of it was due to the heat, and how much was due to the overwhelming anxiety - I seriously don't know.
Oh then I had to meet people I know along the way. A quick exchange of "hi-byes and how are you doing? Good to see you...bla bla bla" and I tried to fashion a smile (awkwardly), as broad as I can, and then I shuffled off.
Crossing the road, oops, small steps. Avoid eye contact. Small steps. That's it. Stay low. Another traffic light to go...you can do it!
And there it was!!! G2000!!! Mecca!!! The Holy Grail!
I took an escalator to the second floor, where the men's department is. Sweeping across the room , I spotted a pair of berms, and then a pair of jeans.
Then I had to negotiate another obstacle, okay, two. There were two teenage girls helping one of their guy friend (I think one of them is the girlfriend) choose clothes.
And they were standing at the entrance to the changing rooms!!!
I grabbed a pair of berms, glanced at it - size 32 (oh well...) - apologized my way to one of the changing rooms, and shut the door immediately.
Relief...
Tried the berms - too big.
Changed back to my holely jeans, came out and apologized my way again at the teenage goddesses who stood like twin towers guarding the entrance to the changing rooms.
I approached a retail assistant and asked if they have a smaller size for the berms. Grabbed one of the jeans off the rack to give it a shot.
So this went on for a while before I could find the right size. Thankfully, I found a right fit, a few sizes smaller.
I told the retail assistant I'd take the berms, and told her I want to change into it immediately, and if she could kindly snip off all the tags.
She said yes, and asked if she could iron it for me since it appears a little creased.
And much as I was desperate, I flashed the broadest smile and said: "Thank you very much."
A nervy 2 minutes felt like 2 hours.
My phone buzzed. An sms from my freelancer informed me that she will be running about 5-10 minutes late...
Okay, "Cool" - I texted her back!
Finally, having been satisfied that she has steamed away the creases on my new pair of berms, she handed them back to me.
Thank God! One more time, I apologized my way past the "twin towers", locked myself in the changing room, and voila, I was clothed! Fully clothed!
I walked out of G2000 feeling like a new man, looking smug and confident in my mini-skirt-T-shirt-and-berms combo.
And then my mobile rang.
"Hey, Lawrence, I'm here already. Where are you?" A bright feminine voice asked.
Oops...still have to meet my freelancer, got to go...
I headed for our meeting place. This time, big steps all the way...
posted by weiwen @ 9:03 AM
0 Comments
