Sojourn
February 1, 2007
I’m a sojourner in my native land,
Drifting through life,
Fleeting moments, time and space,
Space and time,
A participant on some occasions,
A bystander on most.
Skyscrapers struggle for positions in the cityscape,
With new ones climbing higher to stake their claim,
Just like the executives they house,
Stepping over each other to climb the corporate ladder,
Chasing futile dreams,
Fulfilling transient ambitions.
I shrugged at the corporate rat race,
Of which I have no wish to be a part of.
Yet many a times, I wonder,
If that’s the way to eke out a living,
In a place I call home.
I’m a sojourner in my native land,
A native vagabond, if such a species exists.
National misfit, cultural nomad.
I’m supposed to be ethnic Chinese,
Yet have no inkling of my Chinese roots
Even the Chinese media thinks in English
But reports in Chinese,
However hard they try to deny.
We brag about our colonial history,
But we have no relations to the Queen.
Our forebears are immigrants,
Thrust onto our shores by fate’s cruelty
Penniless, culture-less, hopeless.
Their descendants (that’s us) are root-less.
I’m a sojourner in my native land,
Drifting, fleeting, wandering,
I struggle to breathe,
In a society that stifles,
My soul cries out.
Who hears me, in the still of the night?
But the still soft voice inside of me.
Start Living
Start Living
19 December 2006
I went for detox today. At Golden Village Bishan.
It had been raining when I left home. It is still raining as I’m typing away at my computer now.
I didn’t think it was going to turn out to be a detox session. It’s just one of those things that ordinary boring Singaporeans do when they have nothing to do at home – hit the cinemas.
I do admit that I have a penchant for romantic comedies, and it seems uncanny that I would somehow end up watching some Christmas romantic comedy at the movies during Santa season – alone.
Three years ago, I caught Love Actually, which starred amongst others, Colin Firth and Keira Knightley. I enjoyed it tremendously.
Many years ago, I also found myself sprawled in front of the silver screen, watching the hilarious antics of Ben Stiller in Meet The Parents and the “doesn’t happen in real life” cyber romance between Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail.
And so it was, that I just had to catch The Holiday. I haven’t watched the trailer, nor have I read any synopsis. But I decided I would catch it anyhow.
You know why there are suckers like me who get hooked on romance comedies. Because whether they admit it or not, people love to attach themselves to characters inside a movie – and find solace, comfort, peace, joy and pieces of themselves inside those characters.
It’s like some kind of therapy, an antidote out of reality, fulfilling personal fantasies, confronting your own demons, or nursing your own wounds.
And when we find someone we could identify, we nod our heads, cry our eyes out, and mumble to ourselves on the inside, saying: “Yes, that’s me, that’s me…”
So it was no surprise that I was looking out for a character I could identify.
I couldn’t find one in the past romantic comedies I’ve watched because they are just so unreal. These things DO NOT happen to normal people.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed them thoroughly. I just could not relate to them.
But I found my character in The Holiday, in the character Iris, played by Kate Winslet.
Yes, I know her character is a woman. Can’t I be the male version?
I knew it the moment she said: “I know all about unrequited love…”
Like her character Iris, I’m a writer (at least I think I am), and I happen to work in a news agency too. Iris worked as a journalist in the London newspaper Daily Telegraph.
And not wanting to spoil the movie for you, I shall not reveal more details of the show.
The thing is, I finally found someone who is real, whom anyone can identify.
I thought I have gotten over a girl, a sister from church. I have fallen for her about this time round last Christmas.
Well, as you have guessed the ending, she got attached subsequently, to another guy she met only for a few months over some golf lessons.
Earlier this year, she had politely told me at the time of rejection that she was focusing on her career and finances. Load of bull, I realised on hindsight.
Truth is, I haven’t even started making my intentions obvious. She said she sensed something, and wanted to clarify things.
Anyway, I thought I have gotten over her. As it turns out, I haven't.
Just the other day, I happened to be standing near her and she was chatting and half-whispering happily to another sister.
I didn’t eavesdrop but I understood the gestures to know that wedding bells could soon start ringing in her life.
It was then that I felt a cocktail of emotions well up inside me all at once – of jealousy, of regret, of anger, of resentment, of sadness. It was a horrible feeling.
So in a way, this was pretty much the plight of Iris in the movie, and for the first time, I could relate.
Of course, as with all Christmas romantic comedies, it had to have a happy fairy-tale ending.
If Graham, the character played by Jude Law, was a ‘major weeper’, I must be a serial one.
Yet I didn’t shed a tear in this movie, unlike Cameron Diaz’s character Amanda Woods, who recovered her ability to cry. In the movie, Diaz’s character Amanda hasn’t cried since she’s 15 years old after her parents divorced.
So instead of weeping, I discovered a new-found strength, a sense of liberation, like Kate Winslet’s character Iris, who towards the end of the story, chose to shut the door on her unrequited love.
She chose to live life, and enjoy it.
I decided that I would do the same. I will start living, and enjoy it.
Will those cocktail of emotions surface again to drown me? It didn’t matter. At the moment, honestly, I couldn’t care less.
Allow me to edit what Jack Black said in the movie: “It’s going to be Christmas, and we’re going to celebrate being young, and being ALIVE!” I want to start living, and enjoy it – starting with some sushi and a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.
Oh by the way, did I mention that I enjoyed immensely the Christmas jingles and songs that were tastefully and felicitously sprinkled over the course of the movie?
Anyway…Bon Appétit.
P.S.: I’m not exactly a fan of Kate Winslet (the last film I saw of her was in James Cameron’s film Titanic, remember Rose?) but I thought her character drew the short straw when she was paired with Jack Black as her eventual lover inside The Holiday. I like her in this show. What a pity!
